“The fact that I can’t get up” — is it my body that won’t rise? No. Not being able to get up was a mental refusal, a rejection of wanting to get up. If that is the case, I may as well give up on getting up, focus on the body lying down, and surrender myself to pure sensation alone. It feels almost like being an infant. I sink into the inside of my eyes, deep behind the retina. And then, what do I find? A soft, baby-like, comforting sensation. Breathing in, a warm heartbeat, the texture of a blanket. It was as if it were stimulating opioid receptors, blending sedation and awakening. The hidden children inside me seemed to have awakened. The ringing alarm clock leads me into a dream. Spreading opioids. A revolving merry-go-round bed. Entering inward, behind the eyes, deep, deep behind the retina. The soft infant awakens. text by ITOAOI